Hurry Up and Wait!

I initially got the idea that I would have to pack up all my stuff and move in a short span of time.  Now it looks like it might be another month or two, or who even knows.  Jeannie & Steve wanted to "get away from it all", and took their families for a 5-day trip to Bodega Bay.  So I'm going to quit worrying that I won't get my place packed up and ready to go anytime in the next few weeks.

I'm starting to accumulate a lot of items to be donated, but I can't take them anywhere to donate.  That requires a car or other means.  Does anyone out there remember Roseanne Rosannadanna?  I can't even remember the name of the TV show or the woman who played Roseanne.  I think she passed away quite a few years ago.  I loved her no-nonsense way of viewing the world and the people in it.  Her best line was "Well, it's always something.  If it isn't one thing, it's another".   (I just remembered it was Gilda Radner, rest in peace!)

My youngest son, Joe, asked if he could come over this morning and take Rocky for a walk.  "Is the Pope Catholic?" was my reply!  Joe is the youngest and probably the most energetic of my kids, so Rocky is in for a good workout.  I walk him once a day, but am terribly nervous about falling or tripping over a crack in the pavement - the only sidewalk runs along the school property about a block away from my house, and it's not in the best shape.  And while I hate to say it, Rocky is more apt to listen to and obey a man's voice!

If someone were to ask me what is the most difficult part of being 80, I would immediately answer "loss of memory"!  I can easily remember everything that happened in the first 79 years of my life, but nothing in the last 79 minutes!  I was outside on the deck a few minutes ago watering my tomato plants, remembered something I needed to do, and by the time I walked about 7 steps from the deck to my couch I totally forgot what it was I came in for.  That is the story of my life this past year.  I try to not complain because my memory issues aren't bad compared to what some folks have to deal with.

Where to Start!

I still haven't accomplished much in the way of getting ready to move, although I've filled a box or two.  Not knowing when, where, how much space I will have, makes it impossible to know what I want to take.

 I've been "doing genealogy" for years and had it all organized into 3-ring binders.  In the past week I just decided to trash it all, and tore up every single sheet of paper into quarters, and filled up several large plastic garbage bags.  I was ruthless, although it certainly hurt to see all my work go to such an end.  I consoled myself by thinking of how much joy I derived from all the research and organizing of this material.  No one in my family would be interested, nor would they have a clue about the people and families.  I always wanted to know about my relatives and ancestors, even as a young person.  Now I need to decide what to do with the dozens of 3-ring binders!  I put a notice on the local neighborhood list, but so far nobody has responded.

My daughter and her family left a couple of days ago with my son (Steve) and his family, to spend several days at Bodega Bay.  I think Jeannie & Donald will put their house on the market when they get back, so I expect some action soon.  And when they have a better idea of what they can expect from the sale of their house, they will know what price range they can begin seriously looking at.

To be honest, for the past few weeks I just want to cry.  But I know better than to start, so I'm keeping it all in.  I hope I can soon write a happier post.  That will mean I am in a happier frame of mind! 

Lord, Give Me Patience!

 I have always been the type that when I make up my mind about something, I want to take action.  I'm good with leaving this rental and moving to a new area, hoping to find another space that I can afford, but now that I know I want to do just that, I have to wait on others.  Jeannie & Donald are meeting with their real estate agent tomorrow (I think) and they will probably put their house on the market in the next few days.   They are then going to join Steve and his family for a little vacation at the beach.  

I personally wouldn't want to go near the Pacific this time of year (or any time for that matter) as it is the coldest water I've ever dipped my toes into, and believe me, nothing else got wet but my toes.  I know I've mentioned it before, but my favorite quote of all times is from Mark Twain:  "The coldest winter I ever spent, was the summer I spent in San Francisco".  The Pacific Ocean is just plain cold, and I want no part of it.  I once took my kids to San Francisco and of course they wanted to go to the ocean.  I watched those silly kids go into that frigid water, while I sat in my chair wrapped in a blanket!

So in the meantime I certainly have plenty to do in getting rid of things I don't want to take with me.  Today I have gone through a huge number of folders of genealogical material I collected over the years.  I'm tearing each page into quarters and so far I have two shopping bags filled with material.  I loved doing genealogy and spent years at it, but that was then and now is now.  I don't intend to haul it around with me any more, and I am too old to try to figure out how to find someone who might want it.  The first folder was the hardest to get rid of, but now I'm on a roll.

Rocky got his nails trimmed today, requiring that he be somewhat sedated.  It still hasn't worn off completely, so he's a mellow dog right now.  Tomorrow he will be back to his old rowdy self.

A "Rocky Photo"

I have nothing new in my life except I need to get serious about packing up all my belongings.  So rather than trying to come up with a blog entry, I'll just post a picture I took when I got out of bed this morning:

 

 

Hurry Up and Wait!

That seems to always have been the story of my life.  I have never been one to sit around and mull things over for days and weeks.  When I make a decision I'm ready to go, NOW!  That was back when I did what I wanted to do, and when.  Now I am at the mercy of those around me who like to take their time - their dad was exactly the same way and he drove me crazy, just like our kids are now driving me crazy.

Steve and his family came over yesterday afternoon, and brought their dog, Sammy.  Steve cut the grass in my back yard, Sammy and Rocky had a wonderful time playing together, and Meg and I talked ourselves blue in the face, and the two kids found things to amuse themselves - Liam is at the age where he likes to listen to the adults' conversation!

So I still don't have boxes to pack things in, nor do I have any idea of what I want to pack and what I will do with the rest of it.  I have a large living room, kitchen/dinette, two bedrooms plus huge spare room, two bathrooms and a laundry room.  You can imagine what I am facing and don't know where to start.  And the big issue is that I don't have a clue as to what type of space I will personally have when we move.  I know Jeannie has my interests at heart, and is pretty good at figuring out what is important to me, but I still worry.

I've been moving things around so I can have Jeannie  and her family over this afternoon to watch a special ceremony on TV of Ara's induction ceremony into the honor society.  She is currently working on her Master's Degree.

I've taken a break from moving everything in my living room, so it's time I got back to the job! 

DejaVu, all over again!

Donald's mom fell yesterday evening and came down on her left hand.  She spent several hours in the emergency room waiting to be treated (I sure know that feeling of helplessness).  So if her treatment is anything like mine, they will put her left arm/hand in a cast for a few weeks and it will slowly heal.

 When my accident happened, one of my readers left me a note on my blog, which simply said "11 months".  My eleven months will be up around the 1st week in May, so I have approximately 6 weeks to go.  Go to what?  I am not sure.  My hand and fingers are still a bit stiff, so I try to massage them and exercise them often.  I can even hold the dog's leash in my left hand when I need to.  I know it is never going to look the same, nor will it ever feel the same, and I wonder how long the aches and pains will last.

I feel so bad for Martha (Donald's mom) as she is just starting out a probable year of healing and hopefully, improvement.  I'm hoping I am just about finished and it's probably as good as it's going to get.

Jeannie just wrote me this update:

"I don’t think Martha’s wrist is as bad as yours, and it didn’t look crooked from what Donald could tell, probably because it didn’t have as many breaks as yours did. Yours shattered into several pieces. They did use the same device with suction cups that they used with you to get the bones back into place. I guess we’ll know more after she sees the orthopedist. I referred her to the really nice orthopedist that you saw later on, after the unhelpful guy with no bedside manner."

This is the first update I've heard, and I hope healing will be faster and easier than mine was.  And my hand/wrist is always going to be crooked.

I don't know when I've been so frustrated over an upcoming move.  I have no idea when we will move, where we will go, how much space I will have for myself and belongings, etc.  That makes  it so difficult to try to sort and pack things, or to decide what I can and cannot take with me.  Having to depend on someone to get me packing boxes, sort out what I should and shouldn't take, etc., is also causing me to have some anger.  The anger isn't directed at anyone, by the way, but at the situation.  And it's a situation that has no particular time frame or any sort of an "end game".  I could deal with such uncertainty in my younger and middle-aged years, but not now.  So the anger is getting to me.  I can't live like this for long.

Frustration abounds!

I sit here doing nothing to get prepared for the move, because there is so little I can do right now.  I need boxes to pack things in, but I can't materialize them out of thin air!  Without being able to drive I can't go out and get them, so I am totally frustrated.  I'm sure I could have dealt with the situation much more efficiently if it occurred about two years ago, but I'm not good for challenges now.

I don't think I mentioned it in a previous post, but my current landlady brought a man to look at the back yard - my big beautiful back yard!  She intends to build another rental unit down at the bottom of the property - after I leave, I hope!  It will totally destroy the beauty of this place (as if beauty is any consideration); another unit in back would mean getting rid of a shed  and the carport to make room for putting in a driveway to the back of the property.  It's going to be ugly, and if there was anything that could make me want to leave, this is it!  I just love the interior space though, and hate the thought of moving.  For Rocky's and my sake it is time to move on however.

I've been looking at homes available in the area Jeannie & Donald want to move to, and I honestly don't see much that I think would work.  I don't want to live in the same house with anyone, and nothing with "in-law quarters" even comes up in a search, much less as a separate building.  It is going to be a real problem because Jeannie has flat-out said she won't move without me, and I truly don't want to live in someone else's home.  Since the area she is looking at is strictly residential and family oriented, there isn't much in the way of a separate dwelling for parents.  I won't be coerced though, and will find myself an apartment in a dog-friendly place if I have to.

I think (and truly hope) everything will work out for all of us.  It's difficult for me because I am virtually powerless to take positive action to help things along.  Everything I need to do depends what someone else needs to do first. 

Can't Wait!!!

I am really getting excited about the move, although Jeannie & Donald now have to sell their house so they will be able to look for a new place.  It's a good time for me to go - I may have mentioned that my landlady wants to build another housing unit in the far back part of the yard.  That will sure cut everything up and make it crowded, plus a driveway will have to go in somewhere, probably requiring the removal of my shed.  In another year I wouldn't recognize the place, so I'm anxious to get going.

As for me getting prepared to move, I just don't know where to start, and I still don't have any boxes so I can't start packing.  I should be thinking about what I can get rid of, but I don't like to get rid of anything.  Everything I have is a memory.  I've moved innumerable times throughout my life and never worried about it, nor did I ever look back.  I guess my age has caught up to me (or is it me that has caught up to my age!)

 

Where Do I Start?

I just don't know where to begin.  Without having any idea what I will be moving into, I have no idea of what I can pack to take with me.  I have always been able to organize such a move and do it efficiently, but it's like that part of my brain is gone and I don't know how to get it back!  Now, if I have to rely on someone else to help me decide, I'm not going to be happy with the results!

It's not like I haven't done this before.  I've made several cross country moves, a couple of times with children, and I also moved to Ireland and back three years later.  Now, I feel so incapable and depleted, unable to make the simplest decision. 

To add to my dilemma, Jeannie and Donald are busy trying to empty out and pack up the contents of a 4 bedroom house.  She has been filling my garbage and recycling cans, so I can't even start disposing of things to try to get started on packing what I want to take.   But I encouraged Jeannie to bring stuff to put into my garbage and recycling cans a few weeks back, so I'm not complaining about her - just the overall situation is so frustrating to me.

Sorry this is such a Debbie Downer post, and there are likely to be more to come.  I will try to find the bright side and good things to write about to intersperse with the negatives in the coming weeks.

I am so glad to have this forum to express my feelings and thoughts, even though people may quit reading it.  I hope to be back to a happier and more hopeful outlook in the coming days. 

A Time to Move

My daughter and her family are getting ready to sell their house, and are looking in a community in the foothills near where Steve & his family have moved.  I went with them yesterday and Steve gave us a tour around the area, which is actually huge.  It is totally residential except for a small commercial area that we went into.  I've been looking at stats and demographics of the neighborhoods, which correspond to what I saw with my own eyes yesterday.  I can't do anything about it but keep my mouth shut and go along with it.  The houses are actually very beautiful, but I'm a city girl basically, and we drove for miles and what seemed like hours in just residential areas.  I think Steve wanted to show us the extent of all the neighborhoods and did an excellent job of covering them.  He lives in one of the neighborhoods and he and his family seem very happy there.  The population seems also to be fairly young, and very white.  As I mentioned, I am a city girl, and have always preferred to live in an area that is more diverse.   But it's not my decision and I'm going to try very hard to just keep my mouth shut!

On a positive note, the area is higher in elevation than Sacramento and the views are gorgeous.  The air is probably much more clear and clean as well, and I hear you can actually see the stars at night.  About the only thing I can consistently make out in the skies here is Jupiter, so being able to see stars and planets, and maybe even the Milky Way, will be a delight.

I think Jeannie & Donald will try to find something with a mother-in-law suite, whatever that turns out to be.  Property in that area also seems to sell fairly quickly, so I think they will be ready to jump on something that they like and suits their needs.

I have been going through my things and trying to figure out how to pack them.  I will be going from a 2 bedroom house with another huge spare room (where I keep a desk, my treadmill, an extra case of beer now and then, and a bookshelf, to possibly a bedroom & bath.

Learning to grow old gracefully is something I never really intended or wanted to do, and I don't think I can do it now!  But I guess I have no choice except to try.  As I've said before, it's a good thing I've had such a happy and wonderful life over the years, because it isn't always easy at this stage.  At least I have memories that I cherish.

The Sunny Side of Life!

This morning for some reason or another, the old song keeps running through my head:  "Keep on the Sunny Side of Life".  It may have been in the Country & Western Category, but it is applicable for anyone.  

Sometimes it's the little things that keep me going and retaining my sanity.  I just went out on the deck to check on my little tomato shoots and more of them are popping their heads into the sunshine each day.  They are so beautiful I could almost cry!  Life will flourish when given the smallest chance. 

On another note, on the not-so-sunny side, I see that NASA is naming geological sites on Mars with names in the Navaho language.  I'd be worried a bit if I was a member of the Navaho Nation, that the Trail of Tears is going to extend to Mars.  (In reality, I don't think the Navaho were sent over the Trail but were always a western nation.  Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.)

  

New Life! (Updated)

I was thrilled this morning to find some tiny new shoots of several tomato plants.  I seeded 30 cups, 4 got turned over or otherwise trashed, and about 3 of the 26 remaining are showing signs of life.  This, to me, is the most fun part of gardening - those first new shoots determined to make it into the fresh air!

I just walked Rocky and was surprised to find out how cold it actually is.  I was warm enough in my jacket, but wish I had worn a hat and above all, gloves!  I think it's in the very low 50's with a good breeze.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do today, but I'm thinking seriously about cleaning out my hall closet.

Those of you who have been reading my blog may remember that last year, probably around the 1st of June, Rocky pulled on the leash and I fell in the middle of the street trying to restrain him.  My wrist was broken and although they set the bone they didn't try to normalize my wrist, saying that would be "cosmetic surgery".  How I wish I had walked out of that emergency room and found a doctor who would have given me a second opinion.  I think one of my dear readers wrote me a note saying "11 months", which will be coming up in about 6 weeks or so.  My wrist still aches at times and is very crooked, but I'm trying to use my left hand when possible so as to try to strengthen it.  I do pretty well and it doesn't look too bad considering.

The sunshine this morning puts a happy glow on my entire day.  I may as well get to that closet, and take occasional breaks to get out into the sunny backyard with Rocky.

 

The 2nd seedling is a bit difficult to make out, but it's there.

I also going to post a photo of myself after trimming my bangs.  Please forgive me if I've already published this photo - I can't find where I did, so I am supposing I didn't.  I hate publishing my picture because of the lines in my face which are so aging, but I can't roll the years back and I sure don't want them to end for a good long time yet.  I left enough hair for Jeannie to trim and straighten it out!

Rain and Snow!

I just took two photos.  One is from the back door showing the sleet we are having.  The second is from the front door, and all the rain.

 

 

What goes around, comes around!

 When my kids were little they were forever trying to cut their own hair.  My daughter was probably the worst but even the boys did it.  I had to even it out as best I could.  They always seemed to cut their hair just before school pictures were to be taken.

I just tried to trim my hair which has been getting in my eyes lately, and with every cut I made and stood back to view it, I realized the cut made another part uneven.  I finally stopped and my daughter will have to even it out for me.  Isn't that poetic justice?

Everything I Touch!

I'm sure many of you reading this can relate to my experiences lately.  It seems that everything I try to do or touch is a disaster.

I have two fairly large (flexible) trays that are holding large paper cups in which I've planted tomato seeds.   Every time I try to move the trays, a cup falls over and spills dirt (and seeds) all over the place.  I now have way fewer cups than what I planted yesterday.  I had no trouble last year when performing the same tasks, but it seems I've become "Mrs. Butterfingers" over the past 12 months.  The only way I can look at it is to see the humor in my failing attempts to do something.

My youngest son is on a mini-vacation in Hawaii, and I love getting texts and pictures from him.  I loved it when I was there - such a beautiful and laid back place, with beautiful and laid back people.  I'm glad that he was able to get away and spend some time just enjoying himself.  He is a respiratory therapist at one of the area's main hospitals and treats people, including those with Covid, every day.  I'm sure he's seen more people die than most of us would ever see in a lifetime or two!  When he gets a few days off he heads for the mountains, hiking and camping out.  Nothing can work magic like being in nature. 

I'm having trouble adding a photo - this is probably the worst update from Blogger.  I'll try again.

The shade comes along fairly early, but you can get the idea.  I wish it would have appeared under the paragraph that refers to it.

 

That's it for today.  I've already loaded and lost this photo several times and this is my last try!

Time Flies!

Today is my oldest son, Mike's birthday and he is turning 50!  He told me last week that he thought he was still getting some of my mail that included a packet of reading and membership material from AARP.  Then he realized it was meant for him!

Yesterday was son Steve's birthday.  I find it difficult to keep track of the individual ages, but Jeannie's birthday is between Mike & Steve.  Joe is the youngest.  I'm very proud of all my children.  After going through the rocky teen years, they have all become wonderful adults, great parents to their own children, and still my babies! 

I planted tomato seeds in large paper cups yesterday afternoon.  It was a messy chore and I managed to spill soil all over the deck, but finally it was done.  In moving the trays of cups I let a couple of them fall over, spilling out some of the contents.  So I won't know for a couple of weeks how many plants I will have for all my efforts and bungling!  I'm going to leave the trays on the back deck rather than bring them in and out of the house every day, as I can see myself stumbling and spilling the entire contents all over the floor.  That would be "it" for me as far as gardening goes, now and in the future.  I think my best days and efforts are behind me anyway.

I'm waiting around for a workman who is supposed to come and do some fix-it jobs at my house this morning.  He spent all of yesterday at my niece, Tammy's, place, and told me he would be back to my unit today.  The only thing I'm concerned about is the ceiling fan in the spare room.  Most of the rooms have giant ceiling fan/light fixtures, and when the fan blades are turning I notice a slight wobble of the whole fixture.  Needless to say I don't use the fans at all after realizing they aren't exactly secure.  I wish my landlady would remove all of them and just replace the light fixtures, but that is "practical me" and my opinion.  I never did like ceiling fans because in my experience they all wobble a little bit, and I just don't trust them.  Had I known the guy wouldn't be here as early as I understood he would be (it's already 10:30 and 10:30 is no longer "first thing") I would have walked Rocky.  As it is I probably won't get to it until later on in the day, but at least the daylight is lasting a little bit longer.  My eyesight isn't good enough to walk in the waning light of day.

It is almost difficult to believe that March has rolled around again.  This time last year it was obvious that as no efforts were made to prevent the worst of the pandemic, it was going to become a disaster.  It still isn't over with and I doubt there is anything we can do about it when people won't take the obvious precautions of masking up, maintaining social distancing, staying out of public places, etc.  I'm fully vaccinated now and don't intend to do things much differently than I have for the past year - that is, I will continue to isolate myself as much as possible.

Well, the guy arrived at 1:30 pm, so better late than never!