I have been asking myself lately, "Why should I go on like this?" I'm really getting tired of the ups and downs of it all - the thought of moving into new space away from the city is an "up", but all the hassle with my health is certainly a "down". I think the "down" far outweighs the "up", I'm sorry to say. One health issue gets fixed and then another one comes up, and I'm simply fed up with it all.
If only I could drive I would leave this place and drive far away from everything and everyone I know. Then I could just take life as it comes, and not try to "beat the system" by going to doctors, taking medicines, and then taking more meds to counter the side effects of the original meds. When I write it down (or type it up) on paper I can see how ludicrous it is.
So I am going to try to start anew. For one thing, I've felt so bad I never get up and move around any more than I have to. That certainly causes negative effects on my health. To start with, I will walk a mile a day on my treadmill until I feel it is safe to walk a mile outside on the cracked, broken pavement and streets. Then I might raise the bar and walk 2 miles a day. (I may be dreaming here, but I will shoot for the stars.)
Then I am going to try to take control of my life away from the medical people and put it squarely back into my corner. I am not critical of medical people, by the way. They are wonderful and most are very supportive. But I don't want to need them to tell me how to live, or to tell me what is wrong with me. I've forgotten what is right with me, and I need to get it back!
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I gave up on daily distance goals for walking a couple of years ago. Now I walk each morning at the fastest COMFORTABLE speed I can for one hour. Some days that speed is almost three miles and some days it is about a half mile at best. It seems to be a good way to approach the morning exercise since my joints are giving me a lot less aches and miseries with this method and my longer distance days are far out numbering my shorter distance days. Most of all for me, I hurt less and have to take a lot less Ibuprofen now.
ReplyDeleteGypsy, it appears you are depressed and frustrated with so much going on in your life over the last few months - family moving in with you, medical issues (again), preparing to move into the new home, not being able to drive, etc. Change is hard as we get older (I am only a couple of years younger than you).
ReplyDeletePlease don't give up on your medical treatments and I say this as one who contemplated not going through chemo treatments after my cancer surgery. My daughter said to me: "Mom if you don't do the chemo you are not being fair to us," meaning that I probably would not survive. I did the chemo treatments and for 8 months was so weak I could do nothing, but I survived and in two months celebrate being in remission for 10 years. Don't give up, you can do this. Take care.
Gypsy you are a fighter not someone who would give up. You can do this stay strong. Life will be so much better after you move in and have things arranged. You have a wonderful daughter and her family to be there with and watch everyone grow up and enjoy the holidays together. Hang in there. I know these days are difficult but your not a quitter you can do this. I will pray for you. Sending hugs. Kathy Rousseau It's about time.
ReplyDeleteThere are times when the body just doesn't work especially as we get older. And it can be very depressing to feel lousy and not be able to do things. But you have so much to look forward to. Think about that new garden you will be able to enjoy. Just think about sitting there watching the bees and butterflies helping you garden. Wow. Having your own space but family close by. That is a blessing that isn't an option for lots of us. And Rocky loves you sooo much and brings so much joy. You can't give up on any of this. Like Kathy said. You are a fighter.
ReplyDeleteI agree with all the other commentators. Stay strong it will be worth it in the end.
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