I have been asking myself lately, "Why should I go on like this?" I'm really getting tired of the ups and downs of it all - the thought of moving into new space away from the city is an "up", but all the hassle with my health is certainly a "down". I think the "down" far outweighs the "up", I'm sorry to say. One health issue gets fixed and then another one comes up, and I'm simply fed up with it all.
If only I could drive I would leave this place and drive far away from everything and everyone I know. Then I could just take life as it comes, and not try to "beat the system" by going to doctors, taking medicines, and then taking more meds to counter the side effects of the original meds. When I write it down (or type it up) on paper I can see how ludicrous it is.
So I am going to try to start anew. For one thing, I've felt so bad I never get up and move around any more than I have to. That certainly causes negative effects on my health. To start with, I will walk a mile a day on my treadmill until I feel it is safe to walk a mile outside on the cracked, broken pavement and streets. Then I might raise the bar and walk 2 miles a day. (I may be dreaming here, but I will shoot for the stars.)
Then I am going to try to take control of my life away from the medical people and put it squarely back into my corner. I am not critical of medical people, by the way. They are wonderful and most are very supportive. But I don't want to need them to tell me how to live, or to tell me what is wrong with me. I've forgotten what is right with me, and I need to get it back!