My life is changing, that is for sure, with Lady's passing. I have had a dog in the house for so many years that I got comfortable with the sense of security it gave me. For one thing, I have always been unconcerned about locking the doors to my house and to my car. Living in Swannanoa NC, a little town east of Asheville, there really was no need to lock up tighter than a drum. No burglar would walk up the hill to my house for one thing, and the bears hadn't figured out how to open the doors.
But I had a dog! One who would bark if the bears came too close during the night, or the raccoons or whatever. The dog has also protected my space in Sacramento, at the apartment I lived in for a year as well as the house I'm in now. Sometimes I lock up but often I don't. That goes for my car as well. I know that is careless of me, but with my faithful companion here to take care of me, I just didn't worry about it.
Lady was a dog who rarely barked. When I left her at home I sometimes told her on my way out, "Now guard the house". Surprisingly, a neighbor would mention to me every time I had said it, that they would hear her bark while I was gone. I think she took the charge very seriously, so I only said it if I was going to be gone for a while.
Last night I was awakened in the middle of the night by noises outside my bedroom window. I leave the windows open 24/7 during the hot weather, and I'm used to ignoring strange sounds figuring it might be the dog moving around, or at least if it was anything I should be worrying about she would alert me. I got up a couple of times and turned on the outdoor light on the driveway side of the house, but didn't leave it on because everything on that side looked intact. Since Lady is gone I've taken to sleeping with my car keys right next to the bed so that in an emergency I can hopefully find the panic button.
I miss that dog like crazy, and miss the companionship, comfort and security she gave me. One of the commenters asked if I had considered getting another dog, and surprisingly I have already had fleeting thoughts about it. But I don't want to outlive another dog, and I certainly don't want a dog that would outlive me. For now I think I will just have to accept that I need to change my ways, although I don't want to become fearful and distrusting when I've never been that way. I don't have a thing in the house worth stealing, so if someone thinks I do, I just hope they try to find it while I'm gone.
I again want to thank everyone who has commented or written to me expressing their condolences. Sometimes I think I'm over the weeping, but I have cried with every single comment or email I've gotten since Lady is gone. I hope I don't go on like this much longer because I'm tired of my eyes and head hurting from all the sobbing!
By the way, yesterday I took my car to have the interior detailed, and they did an excellent job getting rid of the dog hair and cleaning the upholstery and carpets. While I hadn't paid for an exterior wash, the guy in charge of cleaning the interior came over to ask me if he could take the car through the wash since I had mud in the wheel wells. They did a beautiful job both outside and inside, and it looks like new again. It's just waiting for another camping trip!
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Have you thought about an older dog (no longer a puppy) from the pound or an animal rescue organization? I would be a bit concerned about sleeping in a tent without a dog.
ReplyDeleteTears are a good thing. My Ginger died 10 years ago and I can still get weepy thinking of her. It's wonderful to remember a good friend and companion even with tears. If you can handle the grief, getting a middle aged dog would be a great gift for both you and the dog. Just a thought.
ReplyDeleteYou might consider adopting an older dog from the SPCA. Yes, you might out live it, but you will also know that you have given it a few extra years that it might not have had. Choose carefully, and be prepared to re-surender if the dog has problems you are not able to deal with. What about looking into a retired guide dog?
ReplyDeleteIt took me a long while to get over the loss of my companions and I thought very often especially at first of getting another dog. But I felt I had to get over the grieving first. There was something about "replacing" her that didn't feel right. And after a while, when I didn't let myself go to the SPCA, I realized that I didn't want the responsibility. I wanted to be able to go wherever and not have to consider her welfare or miss trails she couldn't go on. I have never thought of myself as a fearful person and don't think my dogs could have protected me really but I have always locked the doors of both my house and my cars if I am in or near a city. Not sure why I didn't out in the country since crime happens there too.
ReplyDeletei am still missing my Buttons and still get tears in my eyes, even though we still have three pups leftvwithnus. I don't think you ever forget but time may buffer the pain.
ReplyDeleteDearest Gypsy - I'm just now catching up on your blog. I'm so sorry to hear of Lady's passing. Of course you miss her. She had such a presence in your life and in your home.
ReplyDeleteI am reminded of something our vet said when we made that same painful trip with our second cat. He said, "Do not be sad that your pet is gone. Rather, be grateful to him for having been." It's been almost 10 years since we heard those words. And, I still find comfort in them. I hope you do, too.
The decision of whether or not to bring another pet or pets into your home will come. Let your heart be your guide!
We hope wonderful memories of your special pup will provide you comfort in the coming days.
Lady was one lucky dog!
Hugs!!
Being solo as you are, if something happened to Emma, it probably wouldn't be long before I found a new companion. They are a lot of work, but such comfort when needed for that. She is a challenge for me, but I know I'd miss her if she was gone.
ReplyDeleteMy mother passed away at 93. We still have her dog. She got the dog as a puppy when she was 78. Yep we have a 16 year old dog, a "little bit " of Mom, and we love that dog. She's great company for our dog. You might talk it over with your family. Best wishes...
ReplyDeleteI am so sad for you. Having had the same experience, I know there is a long grieving period. We waited too long to get another "friend", but when we did, we knew that this one would never 'replace' but would fill a bit of the empty space in our hearts. Giving another dog a chance for life would be a great thing for the pooch and you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that Lady is no longer with you. I too feel as you do. I couldn't do "anything" just to keep a pet alive. They find a way to tell us that it is time, it was me getting prepared to do what had to be done that took so long.
ReplyDeleteLady isn't really gone as long as you remember her.
It took me a couple of years to get another and now I have Angel, who is the best for me. You can adopt an older dog from the humane society on Florin/PerkinsRd in Sac at no cost if they are 6 y/o or older, younger animals, As a senior you get a discount
Jut do what ever is best for you., whenever you're ready to do it.
Follow your heart. I worked with a lady in Austin that had adopted a retired greyhound. They put them away when they can't race any more. It was a wonderful dog.
ReplyDeleteSo very sorry for the loss of your beloved dog Lady...we recently in one week lost two kitteh cats we had for nearly 20 years a piece, miss sophie and prince bailey boy, I nursed them with baby bottles our only child brought home from the high school, one pure black a sweet bundle from heaven and a grey cat that was about 1 month old so hungry he nearly tore my thumb off getting to the milk bottle, they grew up to be healthy and happy, always loving, then they started to lose weight rapidly both had the cancer in them all thru them, I could not put them down, they passed one week from each other, buried in our yard with two services a buddhist neighbor and a retired methodist preacher, i cried so hard I threw up and could not continue working took some vacation and just cried until my neighbor who is so wise took me up to the GORGE for a lunch and treat visited a no kill shelter where the lady pays for everything we loaded up food, toys, blankys and some much needed posts she needed and took her a pie, the smile on her face and the animals were all over us, we stayed 5 hours, I called all my friends to send her money and checks so she could continue to save tiny animal and bigger dogs lives..she gets a tiny amount of money from a non-profit but she mostly does it all her own in memory of her children who she outlived who adored animals. I am perking right up, but no more kitteh cats, we have 2 they ran away after the passing of our beloved Sophie and Bailey boy, a neighbor who hates cats corralled them up and brought them home a true miracle..so keep on keeping on honor animals, but don't become too fearful..LOCK YOUR CAR AND YOUR HOME AND KEEP YOUR KEYS NEAR...that is from a retired constable who lives where we do..I love your blog, it perks me up a lot, I find it refreshing and kind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about listening to see if the animal(s) notice a noise and react, even after the animal(s) are gone. I always had a dog and a cat, and then up until I came down here I had 2 cats. I still sometimes step on some clothes or something and almost fall down thinking I have accidentally stepped on one of the cats. It has been hard not to adopt another cat down here in Honduras, but I don't want the hassle for me or the cat to bring it back to the US when I come back. It will be time again. And so with you, you will either eventually start realizing how much more freedom you have, or you will miss having an animal more than you enjoy your freedom. Only time will tell you that.
ReplyDeleteIt always takes a long time to get over our beloved friends, have pictures around you and try to remember the cuteness of Lady and what a great friend she was. It's so hard, I know, our Buddy is 9 years and not in the best of health, I often think what it would be like with out him.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could say the tears will stop, but I still cry over the loss of Mowgli and Indy and it has been several years that they have been gone. I'll be thinking of you Gypsy girl....you take care..
ReplyDelete